La storia siamo noi (F. de Gregori)

La storia siamo noi, nessuno si senta offeso;
Siamo noi questo prato di aghi sotto al cielo.
La storia siamo noi, attenzione, nessuno si senta escluso.
La storia siamo noi, siamo noi queste onde nel mare,
questo rumore che rompe il silenzio,
questo silenzio così duro da masticare.
E poi ti dicono: "Tutti sono uguali, tutti rubano nella stessa maniera".
Ma è solo un modo per convincerti a restare chiuso in casa, quando viene la sera;
Però la storia non si ferma davvero davanti a un portone
La storia entra dentro le stanze e le brucia,
la storia dà torto e dà ragione.
La storia siamo noi,
siamo noi che scriviamo le lettere,
siamo noi che abbiamo tutto da vincere e tutto da perdere.
E poi la gente (perché è la gente che fa la storia),
quando si tratta di scegliere e di andare,
te la ritrovi tutta con gli occhi aperti,
che sanno benissimo cosa fare:
quelli che hanno letto milioni di libri
e quelli che non sanno nemmeno parlare;
Ed è per questo che la storia dà i brividi,
perché nessuno la può fermare.
La storia siamo noi, siamo noi padri e figli.
Siamo noi, bella ciao, che partiamo.
La storia non ha nascondigli, la storia non passa la mano.
La storia siamo noi, siamo noi questo piatto di grano.

Farewell (Get the Party Started)

As it happens, some friends come and some friends go. It is inherent to so peculiar a life as that of a PhD student. You meet lots of people, and if you are lucky you can also meet very good persons. I met A. in October, some weeks after having arrived in NYC. She's been the first person with whom I had some degree of confidence, maybe becuase she's French. She is a lovely girl, and I'm a little bit sad she is leaving. On yesterday there was her farewell party. It took really a long time to get to her house in Brooklyn. It wasn't the most lucky day. First the D train had to stop because of a sick guy at the 42 Street station. We had to wait another train. At Washington Square we had to change to the F train. We waited 20 mins. It took one hour, goddamn.. A street player made our waiting at Washington Square station more amusing. He was playng the squeeze-box, and his masterpiece was the Godfather soundtrack. When he started playing a Tarantella, I felt a tear falling down my eye. I gave him one dollar bill. We had fun at the party. I met A.'s flatmates and other persons. Maybe I'll be back in that house very soon.. I definitely enjoyed this week-end. Smelling the New York City winter, walking in the night, really gives you a sense of well-being...

Battery Park...

I was a little bit envious of the pictures my friend D. was posting on his blog... then I decided to have a walk this morning, from the Pier 40 to the Battery Park through the Hudson River... Here you go with some pictures. There's no time now to tell you about this wonderful walk, about the impressions I got. I'll be back tomorrow with some other pictures, and with some more comments. Now I need a shower before going to the party.

Tortellini al pesto...

Thanks to mr. Buitoni, this evening I had a kind of Italian dinner. I cooked tortellini. Of course both pesto and tortellini were not homemade.. But it was good, or at least satisfactory. My flatmate appreciated it. I was in a good mood, and I decided to cook also for him. I got an email from my boss which increased my self confidence (if any room for it). You know, life is a kind of path full of surprises. What I like more, is that at any moment you can't even imagine what it will bring tomorrow. Ok ok, you have a set of alternatives. But even if you frame the issue in terms of probebility distribution, there is always room for some totally unexpected event. This make me feel alive, even when living means hurting.

Happy hour

Just a little bit drunk...Anything serious. You know, people from Business School enjoy life, and they like to show you they have money.. I enter the Happy Hour party as a guest, since I didn't pay the incredible fee MBA students pay the Columbia. I enjoyed the food and mostly the wine. It was really crowded and louder. I met some new persons. At the end of the day, it was not so bad. My roomate is really a nice person. He introduced me to all classmates of his. Today I realized that Indian girls may be really enchanting.

Nightfall

Some snow in the park, a crowd of trees around, the river in front of you... The sun went down the skyline, and a soft light dressed the atmosphere of a surreal flavour. I felt my heart beating fast. Happy to be here. There's something magic about New York City. It's a sensation slowly penetrating the deepest rooms of your soul. In some respects you may not feel American, but you may like to feel Newyorker..

Friends..

...are those who are able to write the right words when you don't expect it. True feelings are likely to overcome time and space. I do believe it.

Mmm...

My flatmate likes pizzica. I was playing my tambourine in my room. At the origins, this was a kind therapeutic dance. I try to reproduce this function, and to be honest it works. I play when I'm so sad that no words can express what I have inside. It was the same when I used to play piano. I passed through many difficult, hurting moments just spending whole afternoons playing Debussy, my favourite. Now I would like to play again, and I would like the notes to reach her heart. I just had my tambourine now, and I played hoping to recover my heart. I know that tomorrow it will be the same. And again, and again... Fuckin' hell, why life is such a shit sometimes?

My Foolish Heart

The night is like a lovely tune, beware my foolish heart!
How white the ever constant moon, take care, my foolish heart!
There's a line between love and fascination,
That's hard to see on an evening such as this,
For they give the very same sensation.
When you are lost in the passion of a kiss.
Your lips are much too close to mine, beware my foolish heart!
But should our eager lips combine, then let the fire start.
For this time it isn't fascination, or a dream that will fade and fall apart,
It's love this time, it's love, my foolish heart!

(N. Washington and V. Young)

Serendipity

I was flipping through a collection of chapters from different books by distinguished economists. I needed to read some chapters from Chandler's The Visible Hand. I happened to read some passages from Shumpeter's Capitalism, Socialism and Democracy just by chance. I read those pages several times, but only now I've focused a very useful paragraph... Serendipity...

A party in Chelsea

My new flatmate is a guy from Calcutta. He is very young and he's doing his MBA at the Columbia Business School. MBA life is very interesting. They have lots of socializing activities, and the most appealing are parties... On yesterday we were supposed to meet some friends of him at the Home Guest House, located at the 27th Street, in the heart of the Chelsea district. Unfortunately we had some problems in entering there, as they couldn't find the attendants list. Then we moved to glass, on the 10th Avenue. The place was nice, even if too messy and louder to me. The music was fine, and the girls too... I still have a soft headache, as I got a margarita and a moijto having eaten nothing before.




At 1,30 we were fed up of that mess, and to be honest I felt very sleepy. I still have to adapt to the time zone. There was a wonderful weather, it seemed spring. You could clearly look at the moon in the sky, and it was a wonderful sight. So we decided to walk up to the Times Square. I was with my flatmate and another guy from Russia. He is definitely crazy, but very amusing.




At Times Square we decided to take the subway to go back home. We waited around half an hour the train to come. Once on, I felt asleep until we arrived at the 145th station. This city is very controversial, and you just should put an effort to discover the hidden side. I guess that once you succeed in it, you definitely fall in love with NYC.

Life

...e la vita Caterina, lo sai, non è comoda per nessuno.
Quando vuoi gustare fino in fondo tutto il suo profumo,
devi rischiare la notte, il vino, e la malinconia,
la solitudine e le valigie di un amore che è volato via...

Power to consumers

First day of classes. I was a little bit annoyed since the class I cared mostly was full, so I couldn't attend it. In the afternoon I followed the class of Political Economy. First of all, the professor had a red scarf, like mine. This made me realize that he was a skillful person. Indeed he is. The course is mainly about Smith, Marx, Keynes and Schumpeter approaches to Economics. I'm looking forward the lectures about Marx and Schumpeter. It's incredible how different persons can cope with the same topic in very different ways. I think I'll follow the whole course: I eonjoyed it. There were lots of people. I met two Italians, one from Brindisi (Puglia rules) and the other one from... I don't remember.. The guy from Brindisi is the classical posh boy, well dressed, nice clock, etc. Basically, I don't like him. Actually, it was the first time I don't try to follow up a meeting with an Italian person.. Maybe beacause he is from Brindisi... :-)

This has been a hard day, and still I have to work a lot. But I'm positive. One should never stop hoping...I know there are so many possibilities, and I have just to relax my broken dream...

Roots

It's only a few days I left Italy, but it's so many years I left my hometown. I don't know why, but today I'm particularly homesick. Christmas holidays have been perfect. I was with my long lasting friends, with my family. The landscape was unique, with olive trees, seasides, cliffs... In some periods you don't need anything but to stay on your own, with just a few persons around, the most important ones. This is a period like that for me. But I'm far, far away from home. No matters I'm in such an incredible city, I just need something else now. I'm strong enough to carry on along my way, I know. I wish I were able to forget all the things hurting me every time I'm falling asleep, and evry time I wake up in the morning. I would like to drop out my mind the image of her eyes. Clearing your heart is a hard task, above all when there is a part of your soul woriking against it. It's up to me.

If you only knew...

...but you don't know anything. You just know about the small world around you. You just care about it...deserts and woods wouldn't suffice to forget how much you hurted me.

Like Walden

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion. For most men, it appears to me, are in a strange uncertainty about it, whether it is of the devil or of God, and have somewhat hastily concluded that it is the chief end of man here to "glorify God and enjoy him forever."

Henry David Thoreau

Madrid..

I can't believe it... this is the most messy airport I ever seen... I'm waiting for the connection.. Hopefully I will find a lou somewhere.. By the way, Spanish girls deserve careful attentions... It's time to go now...

On leaving...

...now I know I was all wrong...Everybody makes mistakes. I hope M. to forgive me for having given all my love to another person, when she was giving all her love to me. Unfortunately things are often like that: it's nobody's fault. Now I cleared everything. At least I'm trying to...It's time to leave...and to leave behind the tears that hurted me in the past days. Sometimes people are very stupid.

Milestones...

I don't know what to think...It seems we feel great when we are together, but there is something missing...There's no need to argue anymore...I did all that I could. Now she is putting a stone over...me... I can't believe it. Life is strange. How can I trust her words about her feelings? Confusion? Oh...not at all...she knows what she wants, and decided accordingly. I give up. Now I can totally reset my heart. Leaving to NYC is the only way I have to recover. Now I'm easy... Godbye A.: I'll miss your eyes, your lips, your hairs, your hands, the way you look at me. I'll miss almost everything about you. But I have to carry on.

A peculiar quotation...

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference"

Yesterday night...

I was with some friends of mine, and I felt like a wanderer lost in the crowd. Today I happened to read the following sentence, and I was very surprised in realizing how much it fits with that feeling:

"You know you are in love
when you see the world in her eyes,
and her eyes everywhere in the world"

Nothing ought to be added...

Change

"A stable baseline is a condition of change"
B. Loasby

Now the problem persists of what we should consider as a stable baseline. In my opinion, it might be the foundations lied down by the environemnt in which we were born and grew up (say the family). But again: how to change without loosing your identity?

Everybody hurts

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on
Don’t let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. now it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on

’cause everybody hurts. take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. don’t throw your hand. oh, no. don’t throw your hand
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you’re on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. and everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. so, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. you are not alone

Mind and Heart

Reason alone can never produce any action. [...] it is, and ought only to be, the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office than to serve and obey them.

David Hume

Leaving New York (R.E.M.)

It's quiet now
And what it brings
Is everything

Comes calling back
A brilliant night
I'm still awake

I looked ahead
I'm sure I saw you there

You don't need me
To tell you now
That nothing can compare

You might have laughed if I told you
You might have hidden A frown
You might have succeeded in changing me
I might have been turned around

It's easier to leave than to be left behind
Leaving was never my proud
Leaving New York, never easy
I saw the light fading out

Now life is sweet
And what it brings
I tried to take
But loneliness
It wears me out
It lies in way

And all not lost
Still in my eyes
The shadow of necklace
Across your thigh
I might've lived my life in a dream, but I swear
This is real
Memory fuses and shatters like glass
Mercurial future, forget the past
It's you, it's what I feel.

You might have laughed if I told you (it's pulling me apart)
You might have hidden a frown (change)
You might have succeeded in changing me (it's pulling me apart)
I might have been turned around (change)

It's easier to leave than to be left behind (it's pulling me apart)
Leaving was never my proud (change)
Leaving New York, never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the light fading out
You find it in your heart, it's pulling me apart
You find it in your heart, change...

I told you, forever
I love you, forever
I told you, I love you
I love you, forever
I told you, forever
You never, you never
You told me forever

You might have laughed if I told you
You might have hidden the frown
You might have succeeded in changing me
I might have been turned around

It's easier to leave than to be left behind (it's pulling me apart)
Leaving was never my proud (change)
Leaving New York never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the life fading out (change)
Leaving New York, never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the light fading out (change)
Leaving New York never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the life fading out (change)

Iseo (five months later..)

She was even nicer than I could remember from the image stored in my mind..




The storm doth walk the seashore humming a mournful tune,
the wave with eye so pensive, looketh to see the moon,
their spirits meet together, they make them solemn vows,
no more he singeth mournful, her sadness she doth lose.
(Emily Dickinson)

Brand New Year

Whatever it brings...